Going to Byron

Just back from Byron Bay this weekend gone.  What a lovely time, very relaxing, great movies and lots of laughs shared.  Attended a munch down by the sea which only have 7 of us in total, but it was a quality 7.  The weather's turning nasty now, so grey skies and threats of rain, followed by actual rain, don't tend to encourage people to want to go out.  Why can't it be permanent spring?

The Castle

Sorry for not being here for a while.

We did go to the castle for the bdsm party a week ago (was it only that long ago?) The castle was amazing, hand built by the owner over 30 years. You can see a pic of it here . People were being whipped and teased and put into stocks all over the place. Being a chilly night, the largest congregation was around the live fire (something of a rarity in Brisbane). We spent a good part of the night outside watching a submissive being caned. Quite good fun.

After getting home at 1am, Master did a scene with both sub l and myself which went for about an hour. We were quite surprised. Very delicious though. Nice to see my pain levels rising.

Castle

Sorry its been a while since i've been here, a bit going on. Not to worry.

We went to the castle last weekend and it was amazing. The man who owns it, built it all himself stone by stone.

Challenges

i've been busy working through quite a few internal issues lately.  Kind of spring cleaning my emotional closet (except its just on winter here).  

i discovered a new reason behind being over weight called 'father hunger', which results from having a father missing in your early years.  The premise is father's make girls feel pretty and valued but if your's isn't around, then you look for that elsewhere.  For some of us that's in food.  i've been thinking about this and how it might affect me.  Also, what i can do to replace that validation, so i don't need food anymore.

i've been thinking about changing career paths and have enrolled in a new IT course for this purpose.  Not sure what i can do with it, but one element is to take some webpage design subjects, so i could look at setting up my own not-for-profit business helping charities and such get webpages set up, etc.  i will also be able to use my skills to help Master run His varioius websites.

my fear of heights is going.  Not just "Oh, you want me to hang by a rope from the 55th floor window" fear, but the "you want me to go up 1 flight of stairs" fear.  i'm talking serious phobia here.  Well, i'm getting so much better with that, even in my dreams i'm getting over it, which is so amazing.  It seems though that my relationship fears have accelerated.  i am super touchy on certain issues and if Master goes away for a weekend to spend with His submissive (in training) i find myself almost in hysterical fear.  Its crazy, its not healthy and i am trying to learn to deal with it.  

i want to get back to being that woman who was powerful; able to do many things, have interests and hobbies and not crash.  Able to look people in the eye and smile.  i guess wanting to get back there is the first step.

Awesome

http://www.internationalmensday.com/

anti-feminism

i've been reading up on a few anti-feminism blogs and websites. i'm left with quite a few feelings i'm not sure how to process. Anger, confusion, empathy. All directed at the feminists. Feminism went far too far i think. Its become this out of control monster that is destroying everything in it's path and destroying itself from the inside.

How can women in all seriousness, write to someone had make hurtful comments about their anatomy? Isn't that exactly what women accused men of doing - it was either you're pretty what are you complaining about or well you can't get any that's your problem - supposedly by the men at the women. And then there are those who write to men who are in pain because a marriage has just broken up and they can't see their children and they say really nasty things about how he probably deserved it, designed deliberately to cut.

i read on these sites about the faults of women, the manipulations, the self-centredness, the crudeness and i can only agree. Women need to be shown their place again. Women need to be humbled and reminded of where they belong in the order of things. And yes i am a woman and i say this about myself as much as all other women. Now there is talk of a great ground swell of angry men rising up, the Men's Movement is on the rise and their anger is palpable. i don't blame them in the least. Women need to really be careful here, or else they will usher in the type of society they claim existed before - which it never did. A society in which women have no rights and are treated as slaves of their Men. Well, i have no problem with this but i'm sure there are a lot of women out there who would.

Other stuff

i've been studying my diploma in childcare this year to get that finished off. The course has gone so badly, with text books not being available and all the course material being on CDrom which we still haven't received and we need to have 10 assignments in within the next 6 weeks or fail! Then on top of that is placement and i had issues with getting that started because of police check clearances. i filled the paper work out in Feb and gave it to the college, but they didn't send it off til half way through March and i was supposed to start placement 2 weeks later - and it takes 5 weeks to get the clearance!

Besides all that, i realise i can't do it. i can't go to placement. i just so don't want to work in childcare anymore and i'm having issues with responsibility out of the home at the moment because i have Bipolar Disorder.

i am enrolling in an internet communications bachelor course though. i will be studying this from home and i don't have to go anywhere for placements or such. i have a lot of interest in the internet and webdesign, so it will be a good course for me to do and will open up work options later.