Deepening

For a while i've had a desire (need?) to deepen into slavery. i had become too self indulged, too self centred. The reality of how far this had gone was brought home to me by sub L. Her attention to Master and to detail annoyed me somewhat because deep down, i knew i should've been doing that as well.

So, i've decided to turn over a new leaf as they say. Yesterday, i followed all Master's instructions and i followed the old rule of 'do tasks first, then leisure time'. i used to do whatever i wanted first, then do what needed doing last, which i then felt resentment about. Yesterday, i found that doing tasks first, i felt happy and enjoyed having my leisure time, because i'd earned it.

Last night, Master came home from work, then took me out to quickly get a script filled and to get something for dinner. He told me to go to chemist while He went shopping and then to wait outside for Him. i found myself desiring to be obedient all the way, following rules about getting in and out of cars, how to sit in the car - even taking up the slave wait position, while waiting for Master to finish in the supermarket. i waited for as long as i needed and went into 'waiting space'. There were a few people that stared at me, but i didn't care. i had a command and i obeyed, that was all that mattered.

Master was very pleased with my behaviour the whole way and it felt really good to know i had pleased Him and made Him happy again. i think i'd been fightening the deepening because of fear of losing who i was in the process of becoming slave. But i don't fear that now. i'm not going to lose who i am - i'm finding it.