Going over the edge

Master,

i am standing on a precipice right now, wanting to go over the edge but not able to do it alone.  i want Your help to push me over and make me fly.  i am so close to reaching the next level of Internal Enslavement, i want to go there, but can't on my own.  It has to be a kind of "forced" thing if You understand what i mean.

Please help me.  i need You to be cool and strict with me for now.  To punish every and all slight infractions of the rules.  i need constant reminding of my place when You are around.  This will not damage me psychologically because i'm in the right head space to go here and i want with all my heart to take advantage of this moment.  i'm not asking You to never be affectionate with me or to treat me tenderly, that would not be You i think.  i am asking that when i am punished it be cruel.  i am asking for a list of transgressions to be kept written down and for me to be punished for every one of them.  i am asking You to please help me flip the switch in my head.  i want this, i so want this.

Please Master, this is for my own good.  i feel like i'm going to go crazy inside.  i have this craving to be totally slave right now at Your feet.  What Goreans call belly fire.  i need You to be strong and not waiver.  Last night You pulled my head back by the hair and said "you can take 6 more" then gave me 6 more.  That is what i am needing right now.  i have felt times when i've called out in pain and then felt the flogger hit me a little lighter next stroke.  i need to know the next stroke won't be lighter, it will be the same or harsher.  i need Your strength here to not give in to me, but to help me over that edge.