WWMD

 A few licks of the dragon's tail last night and i was taken out of time.  It has been a long time since it was used on me, but it was enjoyable.  i've been sensing a need to go a lot deeper lately.  For a while now, it seems as though we just reach a place and give up and i'm left with an unfulfilled feeling.  Kind of like your lover getting you all worked up to the point of orgasm, then having to leave - no fun finishing it yourself.  Its like i'm still at that edge, waiting to be (lovingly) pushed over.  i guess when the session finishes, i realise i have so much more still in reserve to give and i want that taken from me as well.

i guess what i'm asking for is to be broken.  Its something i've wanted for the longest time.  Not broken in the sense of psychological damage, but broken in the sense of needing to break a cocoon so the butterfly can emerge.  i've known for a very long time that this is what i've needed.  To truly enslave me, truly own me i need to be taken beyond what i think is the point of endurance and come out the other side.

i have decided the number one priority in my life is my relationship with Master.  Being His slave means more to me than anything.  i've finally got my head right about the whole order of things and that its about pleasing Him that counts.  Anything that would affect our relationship negatively must go, no matter how much i might enjoy it.  Master will be locking a permanent collar around my next one day.  Before that happens, i will be signing over a complete and total power of attorney to Him.  i guess i'm looking not only for internal enslavement, but for a complete metamorphosis to where i see myself as utter slave.  slave first, slave second, slave third, then michelle, then person.

i'm trying to let go of a whole lot of habits, like spending money on useless things.  i'm choosing to not spend money at all unless i really have to, so the money can sit in the bank and build up.  Do i really need that thing i think i want so much?  Would Master think it was needed?  Usually the answer there would be 'no'.  i don't want to hand my cards over because that would defeat the purpose, besides, i'd just go and do on line transfers as a "so there".  No, much better for it to become an internal enslavement, where it becomes second nature for me not to spend money.

What would please Master?  That is the thought i need to be ingrained into my brain.