Challenges

i've been busy working through quite a few internal issues lately.  Kind of spring cleaning my emotional closet (except its just on winter here).  

i discovered a new reason behind being over weight called 'father hunger', which results from having a father missing in your early years.  The premise is father's make girls feel pretty and valued but if your's isn't around, then you look for that elsewhere.  For some of us that's in food.  i've been thinking about this and how it might affect me.  Also, what i can do to replace that validation, so i don't need food anymore.

i've been thinking about changing career paths and have enrolled in a new IT course for this purpose.  Not sure what i can do with it, but one element is to take some webpage design subjects, so i could look at setting up my own not-for-profit business helping charities and such get webpages set up, etc.  i will also be able to use my skills to help Master run His varioius websites.

my fear of heights is going.  Not just "Oh, you want me to hang by a rope from the 55th floor window" fear, but the "you want me to go up 1 flight of stairs" fear.  i'm talking serious phobia here.  Well, i'm getting so much better with that, even in my dreams i'm getting over it, which is so amazing.  It seems though that my relationship fears have accelerated.  i am super touchy on certain issues and if Master goes away for a weekend to spend with His submissive (in training) i find myself almost in hysterical fear.  Its crazy, its not healthy and i am trying to learn to deal with it.  

i want to get back to being that woman who was powerful; able to do many things, have interests and hobbies and not crash.  Able to look people in the eye and smile.  i guess wanting to get back there is the first step.