Not the happiest of times

Master has been training a submissive for the last 5 months who was a complete newby to this life.  At the end of this month it will be time for their formal talk on what the next stage involves.  He is pretty much decided He wants to take her on full time and i'm sure she's happy to.  This has left me just a bit insecure.

i have no reason to be insecure, let me say that right off.  He has been going out of His way to let me know in no uncertain terms i am His slave and that is not going to change.  Yet, i have started waking up from nightmares of Him leaving me for another.  i have not given so much of myself to anyone before and to have done so, has taken a huge hurdle for me to get over.  And my mind keeps going back to what if.

• What if i'm not good enough? 
• What if He decides He loves this one more?
• What if He realises that what we had wasn't 'real' but only felt like it?
• What if He tells me i have to leave?
• What if He tells me i don't have to leave but i'm not His number 1 anymore and He only keeps me around out of a sense of friendship?

And i think what i fear underneath it all is it will never be just us again.

Then of course, there's the whole "He's Master; whatever pleases Him pleases me" aspect and i struggle with a sense of guilt feeling i'm entitled to any claims on Him.  i remind myself of the old saying "If you love someone set them free.  If they come back to you then they are yours, if they don't then they never were" and yet i don't even want to take that much risk, what if He never came back to me?  And i ask myself what is all the emotional drama doing to our relationship?  His constantly having to comfort me and soothe my fears, what must that be like for Him?  i'm well aware i could just as easily drive Him away from this as much as anything else - and that starts a whole new cycle of paranoia.

i just want to melt so completely into total slavery to Him.  i want to be free of consent and choice to anything yet it is so damn hard to consent to having your own feelings trampled on.